Since January of 2022, I’ve been regularly posting my favorite Tough Talk tips in an effort to help us tackle sticky issues with clarity and purpose. During my 20+ years in strategic communications I’ve learned a few things through trial and error and wanted to share them with you. I posted Tip #20 in September and thought I was done, but now I’ve thought of another one.
If you are just getting started here, first of all - WELCOME! Second of all, here are the previous tips you may want to read.
Tip #1 - be brave and decide to have the difficult conversation.
Tip #2 - communicate to solve the problem.
Tip #3 - say as much as you can upfront and get it behind you.
Tip #4 - don't say everything! Leave out the unhelpful bits.
Tip #5 - use words we all understand. Be inclusive.
Tip #6 - people will make up their own facts if you don’t start talking. Get in the fray.
Tip #7 - think of the “evergreen” questions people will ask. Start there.
Tip #8 - give your “dreaded question” some thought too. That builds confidence.
Tip #9 - it won’t be perfect but folks are likely to cut you slack if you try to fix it.
Tip #10 - you must have a plan because it’s not just a conversation.
Tip #11 - don’t over communicate. Keep it simple and strategic.
Tip #12 - use real words that have meaning. No word salad.
Tip #13 - be interesting. Say something your audience can remember and repeat.
Tip #14 - get your head right. Your attitude will contribute to your success or not.
Tip #15 - beware of over-explaining. Don’t offer a multi-layered reason.
Tip #16 - it’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” It happens no matter how prepared you are.
Tip #17 - you’re not a robot, so don’t act like one. Emotions are good!
Tip #18 - choose the correct audience. Not everyone needs to hear from you.
Tip #19 - say it in writing. Sometimes a written statement is best.
Tip #20 - you can’t reach everyone. Shake the dust off your feet and move on.
Bonus Tip! - the one-on-one Tough Talk is a bit different but many of the tips apply.
Here we go with number 21! Give it a minute. Process destructive emotions before you start talking.
First, let me confess to a guilty pleasure of mine. I enjoy the Bravo Channel show called Below Deck. It’s a reality show about the charter yachting industry.
I’m fascinated by the hierarchy on deck that provides order for all the “yachties” in their 20s and the leadership of the seasoned captain who calls all the shots. It’s also fun to watch them scramble to please the well-heeled charter guests and the chef’s struggle to provide meals worthy of a Michelin star every week.
In an older episode I recently watched, the Captain showed restraint in addressing a sticky safety issue. Much of the on-deck drama is about adhering to important safety rules so the captain has had plenty of practice.
But in this case, he told his deck crew that he was too angry with them to have a proper Tough Talk. He told them that he would put the conversation on hold while he processed his emotions so he wouldn’t say something he’d regret in a fit of anger.
This is a very wise move and shows us exactly why he’s trusted to drive someone else’s multi-million dollar mega yacht in and out of those narrow slips with only a couple of yards to spare.
It’s good advice for us too. While we need to quickly address a difficult situation with clarity and purpose, we must take adequate time to clear out any negative emotion that will complicate the conversation.
Take some time to pray for wisdom (James 1:5) and/or call a trusted advisor to process what you’re feeling.
In Tip #17 I said that emotions are good. I still believe that.
To clarify: appropriate emotions which show that you’re a human being who must handle a difficult issue are one thing. Destructive emotions that might lead you to say something unhelpful are quite another.
Do the former, but not the latter. Be like the captain.
Glad your series is continuing!