Oh boy, I’m back with Tough Talk Tip #23 after I said that I was done at 20. Since I’m still working in the field of strategic communications every day, things come up that remind me of another piece of wisdom I can pass along.
If you’ve just joined us and want to read my previous posts, here’s a list of tips with links.
Tip #1 - be brave and decide to have the difficult conversation.
Tip #2 - communicate to solve the problem.
Tip #3 - say as much as you can upfront and get it behind you.
Tip #4 - don't say everything! Leave out the unhelpful bits.
Tip #5 - use words we all understand. Be inclusive.
Tip #6 - people will make up their own facts if you don’t start talking. Get in the fray.
Tip #7 - think of the “evergreen” questions people will ask. Start there.
Tip #8 - give your “dreaded question” some thought too. That builds confidence.
Tip #9 - it won’t be perfect but folks are likely to cut you slack if you try to fix it.
Tip #10 - you must have a plan because it’s not just a conversation.
Tip #11 - don’t over communicate. Keep it simple and strategic.
Tip #12 - use real words that have meaning. No word salad.
Tip #13 - be interesting. Say something your audience can remember and repeat.
Tip #14 - get your head right. Your attitude will contribute to your success or not.
Tip #15 - beware of over-explaining. Don’t offer a multi-layered reason.
Tip #16 - it’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” It happens no matter how prepared you are.
Tip #17 - you’re not a robot, so don’t act like one. Emotions are good!
Tip #18 - choose the correct audience. Not everyone needs to hear from you.
Tip #19 - say it in writing. Sometimes a written statement is best.
Tip #20 - you can’t reach everyone. Shake the dust off your feet and move on.
Bonus Tip! - the one-on-one Tough Talk is a bit different but many of the tips apply.
Tip #21 - give it a minute. Process destructive emotions before you start talking.
Tip #22 - handle it locally. Don’t kick it up to corporate unless you have to.
Tip #23 - It’s not personal. Even though it hurts, it’s not really about you.
[Unless it’s TOTALLY about you. If that’s the case, then another colleague will likely handle the mitigation efforts for this sticky issue. Your job will be to remain very quiet and follow instructions.]
This tip is about not allowing painful criticism of your employer to cause you to react and behave emotionally.
I’ve witnessed this one in action a couple of times. It may not apply to you, but since I’ve seen what happens when we take critiques over sticky issues personally, I want to address it.
Listen, I think it’s a sign of good character that many of us feel deep personal investment in the organizations we work for. In age of “quiet quitting”, this is to be commended.
But sometimes the emotional connection we have to our work can impair our ability to respond properly when the going gets tough.
It sounds something like this:
“Don't customers know how hard we work to create products that make their lives better?”
“How can this community accuse us of negligence? This safety violation is just an accident!”
“After decades of providing service to people in need, you’d think our donors would know better than to believe something so awful about us.”
Let me explain. If difficult questions about actions taken by your employer or your own decisions cause you to feel deeply offended or misunderstood and you can’t shake it off, you are making it personal, not professional.
That’s okay in the first couple of hours when you reckon with a sticky issue, but you must move on from there.
And even more important, feeling hurt or stung by criticism - whether it’s directed at your employer or you - can make you feel defensive and act accordingly. I’ve addressed this already. Suffice it to say that a defensive attitude will undermine an otherwise successful Tough Talk.
“It's not personal, its strictly business.”
Separating personal from business is hard to do when you’re part of a great company or nonprofit. The hurtful words are not just directed at you, but at the organization you’ve sacrificed for and have spent years building and caring about.
We must learn the practice of separating the hurt we feel hearing our beloved company or our own performance maligned, and leading with a laser focus on the needs of the organization going forward.
Sticky issues produce negative emotions in everyone sharing the experience. You are not alone in your pain and your very human feelings are understandable.
Even though I’ve said this before on this ‘stack, it bears repeating. We should feel our emotions at work, but always act rationally.
It’s not personal, it’s strictly business. It really isn’t about you.
Love it!